Paper Plane in the Evening Sky

Understanding.

2009-12-17T00:43:00.002+08:00

Maturity & Understanding.

Both of it, is something I use to have pride in because I have them both.

Little did I realise that now, I have actually never did attained both.

====================

I'm not mature. I can think like an adult and work like one, behave like an adult and live like one, but my mindset is never that of an adult. Because maturity comes from understanding of things & people around you and understanding who you really are - or so this is what I perceived.

That is why I never am mature, because I am never understanding in the first place. Most of the time, I wanted things to go my way. I dont really give a damn about giving you the right reasons or whatsoever, I just want things to work my way because I think & thought it will work. Recently, all my ways seems to 'not work'. And in turn, when I decided to look at things from a bird eye view, I have realised, I've actually hurt a lot of people - especially my dearest girl, Lynn.

Im not understanding just because when people come to me, I hear their problems and offer them advices on what should they do and blah blah blah. No, that dont justify me as understanding. Im just stating the obvious facts that are shrouded when one is in doubt or when one's mind is not clear. And when sometimes, I couldnt remove the fog from the person, I make uses of their religious believe. People with faith tends to absorb deeper by their religious doctrines more than what they do not have faith in. So it's just a matter of how to get words across. So it's not understanding - the true understanding that forms a bond.

Perhaps, the above might/will offend some people. That I do not know. But certainly if you view it in the way I see it, you might find it quite logical. Though Im not saying that it's a correct and absolute way. Just think whichever way you deem fit. Because its your mind, not mine.

=========================

And...

Baby girl, it's all thanks to you.

I realised I have really been unfair to you.

I have always wanted things to go my way with you. I get jealous and angry easily because of my negative thoughts... Most of the time, I always troubled myself indefinitely with these unnecessary thoughts - and this too gets to you most of the time.

To the extent, I keep hurting you - even when you say you are not, I know I have hurt you. I know every time I apologize, you will say it's ok. I want to thank you for being understanding. I want to thank you for always making my day better with your cheery voice. I want to thank you for being by my side till now.

I love you.

And I always do.

Getting use to it.

2009-12-16T00:42:00.003+08:00

It's ok, I'm fine. I'm going to make it. Don't worry.

Im starting to get use to the lifestyle of working for long hours.

So everything is fine.

Sometimes, I get a little edgy, but do understand that I'm still human. A tired human sometimes do get edgy.

Im here to post about someone actually.

Someone that I look up to - as a Leader, a Friend, and someone you can really Trust.

He have impacted my life in many ways, taught me many things, and sometimes, help me out of a crossroad in life that I never seem to be able to overcome myself.

And that person is - Acktosh. (real name not included for privacy)

This video basically stole what I want to say, so yup. Go ahead and watch it. It's quite funny - in some sense, actually. :D

We do not provide Honey, dear sire.

2009-11-28T00:01:00.003+08:00

"Honey? Sorry sir, we do not provide honey." - Was the last line I said to a certain customer today.

For that, I receive a good lecture by the dearest customer.

Customer - "No honey? Which restaurant does not provide honey when they serve camomile tea?"

Me - *speechless*

Customer - "Camomile Tea is to be serve with honey so that it will hide it's bitter taste."

Me - "I know that, sir. But I don't think the higher-ups that runs this chain of restaurant knows it, or much less bother about it."

Customer - "I'm saying this just so you know. It will do good that from now on, initiatives is taken by you to ensure the customers receive what they want."

Me - "I understand. I'm terribly sorry about this and I will keep what you said in mind. If there is nothing else, please excuse me."

*smiles and turn around to continue with what I need to do at the opposite table*

--------------------------------

But as I was cleaning up the opposite table, my face changed.

Such Elitist.

HELLO. Read our logo -> QUICK. CASUAL. DINING.

Casual. CASUAL. YOU DUMB ELITIST DOUCHEBAGS. CASUAL!!! NOT FINE DINING. BUT CASUAL!!!!

GAH. *faints*

Apparently, today, I keep getting fucked by customers with nothing better to do but to find trouble with our service here at pastamania. I will state some problems customer I face today and with my past experiences also.

1st customer - Complained that the Alfredo and Supreme Pizza is with ham and they want it WITHOUT ham. When I kindly asked them have they requested the ham to be removed at the counter when they ordered... THEY SAY NO!

Argh.

2nd customer - Request for Ketchup, I say we do not have Ketchup, we only have Pomodoro Sauce, and it's tomato-based and it's something we replace typical ketchup with. They agree to have it, but when I bring it to them, they complained - This is not what I want. I want ketchup.

Pffft.

3rd customer - *the first one I stated*

*getting pissed*

4th customer - Wear so nice, but the aftermath of what they eat... Does not matches the way they should behave.

This is where I goes "Fuck it."

Im just pissed today...

Very pissed.

My Love.

2009-10-20T08:25:00.002+08:00

Update!

So much things happen in so little time.

HSO(Hair Salon Operation) project got shove up my ass and caught me by surprise. The best of all, I have forgotten that this Thursday, there is a phase test - Men's Haircut.

I was in serious trouble.

Mr Lim apparently isn't very happy that I have been skipping school for the past term, and most of it, theory lessons. But I shall prove to him, I can catch up. I guess this might be a time to put what I have learnt during my absence into good use.

Still, making a teacher who expects you to do great things to lose his trust on you is definitely not a good thing. But if you were to see it in my way - It's actually a burden off my shoulders. The formula that leads to my downfall is this:

Stress + Pressure from higher-ups + Expectations = A large decrease in the speed of my ability to absorb and learn things.

But on the brighter side, I manage to find a model.
He is none other than Ong Zi Yang(Seth).

After school, I went to Starbucks at West Coast Plaza to slack. I studied a bit while waiting for Seth to arrive. When he arrived, we simply sit down there and talk about stuffs.

I got bored and eventually asked him to pose for me.
I borrowed a pencil from him and started drawing him.

When Gordon arrive, I did the same thing too.

My phone battery was out, and Gordon is kind enough to let me use his phone. I was anticipating a call - From my baby girl.

And as usual, she did. Though we only manage to chat a bit.

When I reach home, she was waiting for me online. (so good right?)

Chat with her over MSN(finally, its working!) and through Facebook.

And I receive a very special message from her.

------------------------------------------

My teacher gave us an essay on love. What is love? Define love. Who to love? Does it last? How do I know that's love? I once read this article on love. It was written by a little girl.

'I know mommy loves daddy because mommy always saves the best piece of chicken for daddy.'

If love is something so simple, why can't we apply it? Why can't we all love? Why does love hurt? Why is it a broken heart can never recover? Or can it? The truth is the world is bitter and cold. Life works that way to strengthen us so that we can fight back, a training for us to withstand the pain.

Love is the start of a new beginning. Why? Like a flower, it blossoms, withers, fades into ashes and gets returned to where it came from. Love is experience and experience is the best teacher. I've had my share of love. Sad to say, I've had a fair share of a broken heart as well as breaking hearts. I guess I'm afraid of love. I fear I may love more than I'm supposed to. I fear I'll have a change of heart. I fear my love will turn into hatred but most of all, I fear the pain and grief that comes with it.

I loved my idol, my best friend. Until I was betrayed and shamed. I loved my first boyfriend. Not realizing how he made love to another. I loved many guys after that. Only to end up crying again and again. By the time everything was over, I gave up on love.

Not long ago, I discovered the true meaning of love. Questions answered and more. What is love? Love is hearing laughter, seeing smiles and having fun being yourself with those who care about you. Love is thinking your heart is dead and something revives it. Love is the ability to share something precious to you. Define love. Love is something inside you, it's always there. Who to love? Love those who are willing to give their lives to protect you. Does it last? It has an expiry date tagged all over it, eternity. How do I know that's love? Simple.

I love you.

------------------------------------------

I'm speechless, but happy. Very very very happy.

And I want you to know that I love you too.

So baby girl,

Take my hand, and you shall see Eternity.

Ich Liebe Dich.

Oh dear

2009-10-15T16:14:00.002+08:00

My oh my... Its been so long since I last updated.

*BEWARE, LONG POST DETECTED*

To tell you the truth.
I have gotten lazy when it comes to blogging.

The inspiration to blog just fades every time I log in.

Just a brief update, I guess.

A lot of things happened - Both happy and sad.

Happy events will be such as Jason's Wedding.

Before I go for Jason's and Sheryl's Wedding Dinner, I had to go orchard first. Why?

It was also Greg's birthday!

Meet up with the rest of the sparring group and we took a 15mins walk from Orchard MRT to somewhere near Tanglin mall there. Greg's house is hard to find. -_-"

When we reach, it was an eye opener.

The outside dont really attract my attention, but the inside... Wooooaaaahhh... It's really nice.

Nope, definitely not luxuriously nice, but more to the kind of simple with a pinch of luxury. Most people who attended Greg's birthday celebration are Caucasians, with some Atas. He also turn his birthday celebration into something quite unique.

There is no cake.

There is only Pie. D:

In addition, there are various food there. But certainly not something we see everyday. Salad, some very sour white sauce with cucumber/capsicum inside, and many more. It was nice, but definitely not for singaporean's taste it's your first time trying it. There are many beers and wine, but the good me did not drink them. :)

Why? The answer will unfold, so dont rush. :D

Check the time. It's 6.35pm.
Alright, I gotta go. So I wishes Greg the usual birthday wishes and left.
As I was walking, I am planning in my head:

Will I be late if I take the train then take the bus?

Looking at the time. I decided it's best to take a Taxi. So I went to Tanglin Mall and waited for a cab at the taxi stand. It didn't take long for one to come by - this area is a rich man's zone after all. :x

What I predicted was correct. I soon got caught up in a traffic jam at Mountbatten Road. If I had taken a bus from Paya Lebar MRT, I will most probably be screwed real bad. Lucky me!

But the jam did affect me. The taxi couldnt move much. We are stop at every traffic lights! Even the taxi driver was agitated. The shortest route was jam-pack with cars and bus, and we only move 4m before the cab have to stop all the time. So the taxi driver and I got real sick and tired of waiting, and we took a longer way instead.

Good thing the traffic aint that bad on the longer route. But the thing is... When I reach...

<_<

>_>

-_-"

Where is everyone? D<

The only people present there are the old folks and Sheryl's side of the family and friends. Where are the rest of the teenagers/young adults that are suppose to here at my table? D<

Haiz, I guess it's the traffic at fault. -_-"

All in all, the dinner was great. But we didn't really receive good service though. The AUNTY that is serving us is really crappy. Do things so rough. Like, how did she expect us drink our wine when she cant even pour properly!? *facepalm*

A few drops of wine went wasted because of her carelessness.

Haiz, even I can do better than this. -_-"

We keep drinking and drinking. Not a chance to rest at all. :(

Both me and Jackson already felt heavy. He had to drink with a lot with my uncle(seeing that he is my cousin's boyfriend), and I had to drink because Aunty Anne wants me to drink with her for not appearing at most of my family's event. *facepalm*

Worse, I dont know why this have to happen, but my dad - who dont drink at all - come over to my table and make everyone drink. Being his son, I have to finish the glass with him. Crap thing is, I just refilled it. *facepalm*

After that, me and Jackson went out to get some fresh air.

Our head seriously hurts and haiz, we just feel so heavy all of a sudden. -_-"

Its a good thing he had the mint sweet 'halls', with him. It helps a lot.

Went back for photo-taking and then realized that, we all, are to go Eski Bar at Clark Quay to drink more. Why? To celebrate the october babies.

Which means - Me, Calista, Cindy-sis, Da-ge.

------------------

Fast forwarding...

------------------

At Eski Bar. Trust me, Im already drunk.

There are times where I go to the toilet with the feeling that im going to puke, but it didnt happen.I keep spamming on ice water trying to stay sober. D<

But never got the chance because we had to drink Green Fairy and Waterfall. *facepalm*

While drinking Green Fairy, I accidentally let the fire 'burn' my throat. The fiery feeling is unforgettable, in a bad way. T.T

After Waterfall, I didnt drink anymore. I just keep spamming on water to stay sober.

After that, quickly went home in a cab with Da-ge and Er-ge. By the time I reach home, I simply change out and collapse to sleep. -_-"

I shall stop here.

Sorry for the abrupt ending but...

I lazy to post on the sad part, so too bad. >D

So wrong.

2009-09-19T17:37:00.002+08:00

Things just went so wrong at the start of the holidays.

Look, yesterday was the start of my holiday and guess what?

I was forced to update to the latest MSN and bingo, most of my important contacts are gone and I cant add them back. Best of all, neither can they add me back.

Secondly, with the holidays here and now, there is nothing for me to do.

Running today is impossible now that the reservoir is wet and the sun is never out for the entire day...

My computer ain't for gaming now that it's 7 years old.

My room light have to go kaboom...

My fastest internet browser, Google Chrome, recently lagged like nobody business and literally forbids me to load pages if it aint loaded within a minute.

All these is shit.
I feel as if I was thrown into D-Day at Normandy with only rubber rounds and dud grenades as weapons.

Well, I guess I just have to be grateful that at least I have rubber rounds and dud grenades to fool people...

Haiz, but still, if I dont blog about this, this stupid feeling just wont go. Looks like I'm still far from being grateful to things around me. I guess the last thing I can be grateful to will be myself though.

I have promised myself that I will change, so I will.

All this, is for the greater good.
All this, is for everyone around me.
All this, is for myself...

Change I can!

--------------------------------

On a side note to my friends out there.

What am I to you? Honestly answer me.

If I'm just someone who you come to ONLY when you have a problem or situation in life that you cant get over, please... Don't call me a friend. Call me a consultant instead.

If I'm just someone who you come to ONLY when you want to rant about someone or something that keeps floating around in your mind, please... Don't call me a friend. Call me a thrash can instead.

If I'm just someone who you come to ONLY when all else fails for you and wanted someone that you can punch and wont retaliate to release your anger, please... Don't call me a friend. Call me a punching bag instead.

--------------------------------

Perhaps I say those due to my fatigue.
But yeah, sometimes, despite knowing the reasons...

Or sometimes, despite knowing that I shouldn't expect anything in return...

I still need to rant.

Yeah, I'm just a human after all.

It's hard to walk on the path of heaven...

But nevertheless, I shall keep trying.

Chalet!

2009-09-15T20:35:00.003+08:00

Hey people~

Im back to blogging and this time, it's Yours Truly - Definitely not my shithead of a Sister. :)

These consecutive days of Chalet is taking a toll on me.
Though I feel very tired, I feel as if I can go on - like my energy is limitless.

Let's start on Sunday.

I went to the Chalet at 10++pm!!! Because of work.

When I reach Pasir Ris, I meet up with Hong Wei and we travelled to Downtown East and then to the chalet after we bought our food. :)

Jimmy was playing Metal Slug with his friend! D<

Went to eat our food, with Hong Wei being a smart guy by spilling his own green tea. :D

Eat liao we practically slack. Then obviously, we started drinking. Drink and drink and drink and drink and drink...

I was ok, but was feeling very very hot. Slept throughout the night and woke up in the morning.

Now, Monday.

Went for breakfast at Macdonald. Then, Jimmy have to report back to camp because of some certain incident. Hong Wei went to some OG outing of his... Ian went home and sleep...

Im left to take care of Jimmy's Chalet. -_-"

Literally rotted until Ian arrived.
Watch 'Hangover' with him at the chalet while waiting for the rest.

When its near late evening, I called Acktosh and then quickly get changed to meet them at Changi Airport.

Julia is leaving Singapore.

Went there and literally rotted at Popeye's with them. Dicussed about the AFA competition and plan some stuffs. Then, we see Julia off.

Hohoho, my radar detected some love in the air, so when I turn to look at Acktosh, he is kissing Julia! >D

Muahahaha~! Im one of the lucky few(like only 2 out of 6 people) to catch that moment of ________ (fill in the blank with your own words, I dunno what to put!)

Then, return to the chalet and great, Jimmy aint back from camp yet!

Only Hong Wei is there.

Ian went back home to sleep. -_-"

Then, I went over to Ong's friend's chalet and slack.
Drink red wine and some french liquor/liquier/whatever you spell it as punishment.

Seeing that I come from a family who drink and drink at almost every event possible...

All these are nothing to me. but I still cant drink Vodka, though. :)

When it's getting late, I returned to Jimmy's Chalet and there he was!

Quickly showered and went to sleep.

Now, Tuesday.

Wake up early in the morning and quickly rush to school.

Bloody hell.

There were only 8 people present! D<

Only two have models!

The rest of us do saikang! D<

This is epic. -_-"

Return home and slacked till like a short while then Gordon called. -_-"

Meet him at Eunos and follow him to meet up with his friend.

Hmp, I never thought I will step foot in that area again... Haiz.

In the end, it's just some MLM stuffs he got me into. -_-"
Well, anything, after listening to all these stuffs, I went back to Ong's friend's chalet.

I didnt drink anything. Just go there and slack out.

Overall, I was already tired and really didnt feel like doing anything.
So yeah, I went home.
Thanks for talking to me for the first half of my trip back home, shitty sis. :)

And thanks for talking to me for the next half of my trip back home, Lynn. :)

Reached home and immediately collapsed.

Now, Today.

IM SO SCREWED.

I WOKE UP AT 12++

*facepalm*

Completely missed my test. -_-"
Im so gonna die.
I can forsee my first 'Love' letter from my teacher le. T.T

Gary's lovable sister.

2009-09-12T23:53:00.008+08:00

Hellloooooooo everybody,

Gary's loving and lovable sister is here to help that gay bro of mine blogged.

Since he wants a change in his blog, i shall spoil everything here.Laughs. Alright, i have been mugging the whole day but i still don't feel that i am fully prepared for the prelims paper on monday. But well, i have faith in myself as i have worked hard for the past few days. Anyway, due to being too bored, i took some un-glam photos and so i decided to share with all of you. You may laugh at it if you want, i don't really give a damn. Overall, just enjoy the photosssssss.

Dear bro,

i am broke ; i need moneyyyyyy.

LIVERPOOL WONNNNNNNNNN ! You will never walk alone. WOOOOOOOOOO!

My Own Folly.

2009-09-07T21:28:00.000+08:00

First of all, I would like to address this to all my dear friends and my comrades.

Yesterday I did not have a good day. A fever struck me as I was working and I was given an early leave.

When I reached home, instead of rest, I proceed to coming online to chat with you guys, and to read my mangas.

An unforturnated incident occurred because of me. I tried to stand in a middle of what I see as an incoming war. Both sides of the party,were important people to me. They are my dear friends, very close friends.

With my brain overheating already, I cant think. I said the first thing that comes into my mind, and without processing it of course.

During this time, I'm already very frustrated. I tried to stay calm and think, but apparently, even the usual, calm and compose me failed to remain calm.

I reach my human limits and I started rampaging.

As I rampages on and on and on, I hurt both side of the party and some of my friends and comrades. I even threw a tantrum at various friends and comrades, to the extend of even trying to end the friendship.

I failed. As a friend and as a comrade, I failed. When I manage to cool myself down by following one of my comrade's idea to punch the wall, I apologize to everyone.

Some replied, some didn't.

I knew I have crossed the line. I have literally drop a planet buster on each and everyone of you. I knew no matter how many years or months of friendship I have with you guys and girls, such a wound can never heal, be it by action or by words, I can never heal them up.

It's my fault. I couldn't gain control of my own anger and other destructive emotions. Saying that my fever is one of the reasons that trigger this will be just an excuse in everyone's eyes now.

I'm sorry, my dear friends and comrades. Though a few of you no longer see me as someone you can count on anymore, I just want you to know that if there is anything I can do to make up for my sins, tell me, and I will do anything. I really mean anything.

This is not buying friendship. I'm doing this so I myself can feel better. Some of you wants me to remember this mistakes as an everlasting wounds on myself... As for this, you dont have to worry. Its already a wound in my life to mark that I am a worthless fool who doesnt know what he is doing. I can only apologize and apologize all day long...

In my entire life as it is now, yesterday marks the worst day of my life. It marks the day where I have lose sight of myself and have hurt many friends. I do not expect everyone to forgive me, but if it is possible, please forgive me for my rudeness and sudden outburst of rage.

And for those of you who didnt know, that kinda shows how I was back then... Agitated at every little things. Back then, I thought I by closing up the doors to my heart, I can form a fortress to protect others from me. Yeah it did.

But ever since I open these doors, I have seen nothing but anger and sorrow in my friends' eyes.

I do not know what to do for now, other than closing my doors once more. I shall never open it to anyone unless each and everyone of you - my dear friends and comrades that I have hurt, tells me to.

Im very sorry.

Poor Internet.

2009-08-28T20:10:00.000+08:00

Ok fine.

I have no intention of updating this actually.

I had the intention to post some pictures taken at the Natsu Matsuri, but here is the problem.

My blogger dashboard and posting page got problem!

It happen on my Mozilla Firefox,Google Chrome and Safari. This results in me unable to post pictures, and worse - I cant even bold my words!

This is seriously shit.

Well, Natsu Matsuri was fun, but I keep wearing the same old Yukata! D:
Need to get a new one soon. :3

Nothing much have been happening actually.

But I do know one thing.

I NEED MODELS!
People who wants to colour their hair without bleaching, be it strangers who chanced upon this blog or my friends, contact me~! I need model on every Tuesday Morning, 8am and Friday Morning, 8am. You will have to pay $8 if your hair is short, $12 if its medium(shoulder length), $16 if its long. I know it sucks, getting model to pay for amateur services, but the money is used buy colour products for our practice uses. We use it almost everyday! I do not mind paying half of the price, if needed. :D

But on the September 9, 2009, I need someone with hair at shoulder length or longer, and have never done colour to their hair before(virgin hair). Why?

ITS FOR MY TEST!!! SOMEONE, ANYONE, HELP~~!!!!

I also need a model for haircut, its free. Every Thursday, 9am. Anyone is welcomed. Please, trust my skills! D:

So if you wanna get your haircut or coloured, do contact me~! Just post on my tagboard that you are interested, I will get back to you. :)

Hehehe, also.

I receive enlightenment. Perhaps that is the reason why I'm able to stay rather happy all the time now? :D
Though at the cost of this, my health seems to decline recently.

To make matter worse, I have been MIA-ing from school often! Most of them are theory lessons, which I have confidence in catching up in a split second, that is why I decided to rest at home on some theory days to better rest my already tired body and mind. Most of my personal problems, I have already settled them!

Now, I need some fun.
And, I should try out some new stuffs.

I'm so gonna tatoo that one word(in traditional chinese) on my left chest, big and red. >:3
Those who knows it, ssssshhhhhhhh~
Gotta keep it a secret ok~?
I won't make your life good if you guys reveal it~ :)

Think it's time.
Operation: 'Get that body!' - officially commence~
Cannot slack le, it's time to say goodbye to my belly and welcome the abs! :D
I shall - Go school gym, to do weights | Go swimming, to relax muscles and stretch | Shadow-Boxing, to sweat it out | Shin-Kendo and Spear arts, for the posture | Go reservoir, to run that 6.5km once or twice a week.
I can do it, because change I can~! (think Obama)

Well, that is all about what I have to update.
There won't be any pictures until the pages works properly for me once more, very sorry people. :(

Oh yeah, before I forget...
To my idiot of a sister, Maureen.
You better be doing your regular studying and cultivating your self-discipline! D<
*facepalm*

2009-08-15T11:52:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it.

After recovering from a major headache, I fell sick instantly.

Yesterday, I could barely stand.
Walking is hard.

Argh.

Panadol doesn't seems to help, but I have to take them to relieve the pain.

This is so... Haiz....

My throat hurts from all the coughing.
I can't seem to breath properly too.

I hope I better quickly recover soon. I still need to go to school!
I missed out a lot of lessons already, and I know I am lagging behind.

Man, of all times, why now?
Can't I get sick during Holidays? -_-"

Haiz.

Lost it all.

2009-08-05T22:58:00.001+08:00

The day is finally here.

I have lost my will to live on.

I'm very sorry to the people who have added me in MSN requesting for help, but I can't go on anymore. I decided not to help anyone anymore.

Like wise to my friends who have known me well, sorry for disappointing everyone by returning to how I was before.

To my friends who have not see me and know me well enough, sorry for being such an asshole. This is what happens when one person reach its limit, and drop his mask.

I have a confession to make: The very fact that Im an asshole remains true since I was in primary school. The person that literally help anyone with their problems here is in fact an asshole. The noble and kind is nothing but a mask.

It's only understandable that you will not be able to tolerate my anal attitude.
Even when you say you can, I know in the near future, you will still block me and have me erased from your contact list because you seriously can't take it anymore. Likewise, I don't want to see anyone of you getting hurt because of my anal attitude.

I'm really tired of everything.
I'm really sick of everything.
I'm really frustrated over myself.

This may very well seem like an end of line for me.

I thank those who cared for me and immediately ask is there anything that you can do to help me, but there really isn't any.

I still couldn't overcome my own weakness after so long, and I didn't know it.
I feel so ashamed of myself.

I really can't do anything great, other than bringing disappointment, anger, sorrow and irritation.

I know I'm in no position to say this but...
Spare a thought for me - I'm tired of helping. I'm tired of being kind. I'm tired of being patience.

Time, please be on my side.
Time...

Losing it.

2009-07-26T00:44:00.002+08:00

I feels as if Im losing myself.

Recently, my temper is getting from bad to worse... Like, I have difficulty controlling my anger.

My words seems to have hurt or offend people all the time.

I flare up at my parents and friends more often.

I have become more rough and vulgar than before.

When someone accidentally touches or bump into me, or when I suddenly hear a loud noise, my reaction to it is bigger than before.

I became very careless.

Somehow, I cant process knowledge as fast as before.

My patience dropped.

My sense of direction is beginning to fail me.

Haiz, basically, this is a system screw up. A major one.

Im have already lost my motivation to do anything.

Lost the motivation to exercise.
Lost the motivation to lend a helping hand.
Lost the motivation to play.

Lost the motivation to work.

And frankly speaking, I have lost my motivation to STUDY.

It really is a domino effect.

Im really losing a lot things. Soon...

I will lose myself...

Right?

Update.

2009-07-25T01:43:00.002+08:00

Here for update.

Though there aint really anything I can update about.

Hmm, let's just say, school is fun. It removes my stress despite teachers stressing us out.

Been going to swim once per week, intend to swim twice per week. I still cant do freestyle. My freestyle is too rough and tense, I cant cut through the water without resistance. My frogstyle also another goner. But this is the only thing I know I can do. I just need to increase the speed alittle, im too slow.

Last wednesday went to the same old place to get my hair coloured and cut for a hair/hair product seminar, I am the model for the 70:30 style cut. Now my hair feels much lighter, but the length just got cut a little.

Learn much. Got to try bleaching another model's hair. Boss get me to do it because he is rushing for time to get to another salon lol. In the end, Ling Ling and Jessy say I too slow.

But its ok!

Today, the hair colour lesson, though it's just practice, I manage to speed through the entire head without letting the timer goes off! Lesson ends abit quick though, and there isnt really much to do. So meet up with Nelson at cafe 1 then goes home together.

Help Nelson collected his money from EVA and then I went home.

To my dismay, no one is at home. Mum left for work. Grandpa goes for his monthly eye check-up/operation. Younger brother is still in school and have remedial till 6. Grandma, who have the spare key, was with grandpa.

This is a big shock.

Sad outside, accompanied by my neighbour. Uncle was DIY-ing his mini garden on the safety issues regarding balance of the platform lol. Talk to him for like an hour, then went to the void deck to enjoy some wind.

By the time I enjoyed enough, its 5pm. No one's home.
This is shit. So that just means I cannot go for jogging.
So I went to the meeting location to wait for others. They arrived rather late lol. My PSP dies on me, battery went flat!

Haiz.

Unlucky, perhaps? Wait, since when I'm lucky?

Haiz.

Maybe perhaps I am just thinking too much bah. This stupid brain of mind refuses to stop thinking about unnecessary things. Just hearing Michelle and Jess mention that person, my entire mind went haywire and only thinks of that person. How I wish they did not say it, my mood just hit rock bottom and my mind starts to break my mental limit again.

But I told myself.

I cant snap. I cant snap.

The moment I snap, I know I will be dead.

I keep it under control.

Waited for my bus to arrive... PSP no battery only means no music. Just when I was about to go crazy... I board the bus. There was this person who was alighting next stop. Seems familiar because we literally look at each other and from our expression, it was that kind of erm... D: <--- this kind, but the mouth didnt open that big. Guess both of us were kind of taken back by each other.

But yeah, I did not approach her, nor did she approach me. I dont want to mistake another person as a friend when I dont know him/her! But yeah, I guess that kinda manage to kick my mind off the track for awhile until I reach home.

Sigh, still got things left undone, but my mind just wont concentrate. Almost cut my hand with the darn knife.

I might really need to visit IMH, soon.

So please, quickly get out of my mind and my life, ok?

Silent Guardian

2009-07-08T22:10:00.006+08:00

Sometimes, I wondered if my Memory is a gift or a curse?

A few days back, I was cleaning up my room, determined to make my room cleaner and less messier.

When I was cleaning, I came across many things that return precious memories of the times I had since I was borned.

My Nursery record book... My Kindergarten record book... My NPCC certs and Y-ACE certs... My lost collections of cards... My exactly 150 collection of 1st season pokemon... And the best of all things I found?

A very simple ring that I thought I have lost it.

At first, I dont remember having that ring. Yet, I kinda feel there is this slight vibration in my head. Slowly, it develops into a headache.

When I hold onto the ring, and wears it on my left hand, I cant feel a thing. When I change it to my right, the headache got worse, and flashbacks of memories

over the past few years that have been blank, returned but blurred.

Maybe, as if possessed, I wore that ring wherever I go. I just dont know why.

Then, yesterday... Alot of things happened.

I felt many emotions, I dont really know how to describe this part, but yeah, I will try my best.

I did panicked.

I did worried.

I felt really, really happy.

I grab onto hope.
I felt much disappointment.

I feel responsibility.

I felt stupid.

I feel really weak.

I did flare up.
I feel guilty.

I felt lost.

I feel like giving up.

I felt really tired.

I felt really useless.

I feel pain.
I feel so lifeless.

I felt desperate.

And I... Finally broke down.

Maybe, a certain desperation and a certain anger yesterday turn those blurred memories into a more clearer picture. Though slowly, I roughly get what is going on.

Today, I remembered everything, or at least, most of it.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I remember her words. I remember them.

"Give the ring to the one you love, idiot."

Yes, its the ring that triggers off this chain reaction. Yesterday, with much thoughts going on in my mind, I took off the ring from my hand. After settling my mind, I knew that what I wish for will never come true.

Without hesitation, I threw the ring away. The sound of the ring touching the concrete pavement was muffled by the traffic, as if they are trying to cover up the cries of the memories that ring shown me.

I know that no matter what I do, my efforts to make you happy, will go in vain. You will never see those efforts. Maybe to you, I am nothing more than a counsellor that seems to have solution to all sorts of problems.

I prayed for your happiness every night, and on every free time I have. Maybe because I couldn't help but to worry that you might do something foolish. Or maybe because, I simply care for you too much, to the extend, I doubt my own abilities. I have turn to God for his help.

Some of my friends say you are not worth it. Why would I, a person who could have chosen another girl who are much more better, have to bring suffering upon myself just to make you happy?

No matter what they say, no matter what it might be, to me... You're the very reason why I am living. I live just to be able to see you in happiness and to prevent sorrow from getting you. You're the one and only most important person to me.

When I came close to my breaking point, I had no choice but to quickly called up someone I can talk to. I called Maureen. Though I really didnt talk much, I felt slightly better as I was distracted from those very negative thoughts by her random mumbling of her studies. Eventually when I reach home and called Maureen again, my armour broke down and I cried.

Sister, if you are reading this, do know that your brother here is feeling grateful to have you as a sister.

I know my love for you wont dies off no matter how much I try to forget. Maybe I will forget when you reject me, that is what I thought of doing today - to get you to reject me, or through a miracle and I doubt it will happen, accept me.

My courage to do this just deminishes. Every step that I take, it drains away my courage. Maybe God himself, is refraining me from doing this. I don't know.

But I know, with my life...

Even if the morrow is barren of promises...

I will protect you and watch over you...

As your Silent Guardian...

Fun day!

2009-07-04T23:36:00.002+08:00

Today...

ITS FUN!!!! >D

Woke up as early as 6am in the morning just to get a quick shower.

What for wake up so early?

Hehehe, I took part in a short action film. :D

Its by FPS Singapore.

No, its not First Person Shooter, but Frame Per Second. xD

Went there and my role was a secret agent.
All secret agent receives a lanyard that states "Counter Terrorism Unit - United States of America - Singapore Division."

Or something like that. :D

I wont go into details how things went, but its worth the time there! Very fun and interesting! xD

Then, go to work early and basically, like a zombie when I was at work.
Too tired, didnt sleep at all yesterday because my mind is filled with thoughts of ______! Jess caused this. -_-"

And then Jess was at my work place too, hanging around with nelson like they are an item~ :3

Shortly after that, Pei Qi came and when we finish work, we left for Starbucks and slack, then quickly fly home. :D

So here I am! :D

No picture? Dam!

2009-06-30T12:54:00.003+08:00

This is shit.

Here I am trying to update my blog, the dam blogger cant seems to upload picture.

Dam it man.

I intend to let picture do the talking instead of typing an essay report out.

Now, I just dont feel the mood to update without those photos.

But yeah, pass few days, been enjoying myself.

Hanging out with friends, going back to my 'playground' at Sunset Way for a photoshoot as a photographer(though i didnt take any pic), hanging out with old friends...

Its the best.

Yet, it hurts.
Something just hurt.

The only thing I can do, is to support you all the way and wish you happiness.
As long as you are happy, I wont regret.

Late update!

2009-06-19T21:19:00.003+08:00

Alright people, I'm very sorry for the very late update.

A few people actually thought I have abandon this blog. D:

Nah, I won't.

If I want to stop blogging, I would have destroy this blog instead of letting it rot here.

Here are a few pictures. :D

I'm also lazy with explaining over and over again the events and some other 'blah blah blah' stuffs, including some of the events that somewhat went F.U.B.A.R.

So I picked out a few nice picture taken by Yours Truly. :P

I wont post all lah, because of my crappy internet connection/speed.

With Chee Yang as my on-the-spot model, I took this shot. See the blue sky? Wanted to put the 'Distant World' on it, but yeah, realise I just might screw it up, so I left it as it is.

I took this shot while most of my classmates are playing some games. Qi Kuang obviously loves getting snapped by a camera. -_-"

Night falls, the BBQ started. I didn't eat much, or anything at all. Was kinda feeling full and my appetite somewhat vanishes. I took this shot.

Chee Yang again. Using the red brick wall found all around the chalet area, I took this shot and intend to add 'A Missing Piece', but yeah... Thought about it and realise I am gonna do some serious photoshop, which I dont have the skills, so left it blank. :P

Note: Chee Yang, come and get your pictures!

------------------------

The picture below are taken on a different day.

Me and Hong Wei decided to treat Freida to a breakfast buffet as a thank for becoming my model for my exam.

Where we went to?

We went to Julien Boulevard.

It is located near Raffles Place MRT station, at this building call Ascott Place.

Hong Wei was suppose to taste my burning fist.

The reason? HE LIED.

Saying by bus, we have to walk less to reach the place.

IN THE END...

The place is right beside the MRT station. D<

But he ate too much burning fist during most of his free time spent at my house chit chatting and leeching internet, so I spared him. :) *im forgiving, aint I?*

Anyway, here are the very few pictures taken by Yours Truly and Hong Wei.

The first one. There is Tea, Orange Juice, and a bowl full of different kind of bread, ranging from whole grain to... Oh whatever, I cant remember how many types of bread there are! Freida can't finish it though. Taken by Hong Wei.

This shot is taken by me. Hong Wei does something Epic. He drop the lid of the erm... kettle? into the tea, while pouring. o_O"

Sometimes, he makes you wonder where did his skills as a waiter working in a banquet goes... Anyway, notice something special in this pic? THERE IS A COW! :D
It holds milk, obviously.

-----------------------------------

The next set of pictures below is taken by Yours Truly and Hong Wei.

We went to an assortment of places because we are bored after eating!

So we went wandering from Raffles Place to Esplanade, then from Esplanade to City Hall, City Hall to Bugis, back from Bugis to City Hall, and from City Hall to Botanic/Botanical Garden.

The weather.

Too HOT.

I'm like a polar bear placed into a desert. -_-"

I sweat so much, that my hair, face, shirt and body is wet. -_-"

This is the pavillion taken by me. It is a very good place to take photoshoot for marriage and other purposes such as cosplay too! But PLEASE, no Naruto or some ninja/samurai anime series/games here, the background setting is SO WRONG! Its more for Vampire Knight, Guilty Gear, Final Fantasy and such. -_-"

This alternate shot is taken by Hong Wei. More focus on the pavillion, and less focus on the sky, I think. In fact, when he take this, there is a scandal happening at the Pavillion. We actually went up the Pavillion, but as we stomp up, a couple was making out - Oral. So we pretend we didn't see it, behave like bastards loitering around there then left that place. :)

And the last picture my blog will have regarding the trip to this 'garden'. Who is the photographer?

The answer - the Drain.

No worries, it's dry, and clean, with lots of leaves. :)

Exams Over.

2009-06-03T20:08:00.003+08:00

Exams are over.

I am glad Freida could be my model, or else I really wont know what to do.

Likewise, I would like to thank all my friends and brothers-in-arms, for trying their best to help me find a model.

Much thanks goes to Hong Wei, for calling and asking Freida down to be my model.

Much thanks goes to Kaen, Moster, Luca, Acktosh, and basically everyone, for keeping a lookout for a suitable model.

Haiz.

Even when examinations are finished, why am I still so... Uncomfortable?

I really dont know.

I had already move on, leaving behind what is meant to be left behind.

I had help countless of people, strangers and friends alike with their problems at hand.

So why am I still feeling so down?

I have a few things I want to rant about.

----------------------

Warning label: Do not read ahead if you cant take rants.

----------------------

Firstly, I want to bring to the world a very straight fact. I am not a gangster! Gangster fight in groups, I prefer to avoid fights, because I know I will win no matter what numbers they have.

Secondly, I am not a flirt/playboy!

Please! For God's sake. How am I a playboy when I dont have the charisma to attract girls?

Thirdly, staying neutral is my code of conduct, therefore I dont take sides!

Because of this, sometimes, I disagree with your point of view because I see them as not a neutral prospective. That doesnt mean I have an disagreement or I hate you or something!

Lastly...

I misjudged my own capacity to help others.

And this, is the biggest mistake I have made. The side effects of this isnt good. I am at lost for words when talking to certain people, and I tends to avoid helping others all of a sudden. I became awkward towards others who need help. I had also become unable to talk normally to those who I have help before, as I run out of words to say quickly.

I dont feel as if I am myself.

Haiz, even now, I dont even know how should I end this post.

So let just end it here, ok readers?

You aint a dog, you know.

2009-06-01T22:27:00.003+08:00

Haiz, things stressed up.

I know clearly I didnt do well for my exams.

In fact, I am not in the mood to take my STS exam today.

I just couldn't concentrate.

And right after my exam, I receive a very unpleasant SMS.

"Eh, sorry I cant be your model for your wednesday exam. Very sorry leh, my boyfriend disapprove of it..."

*clap hands*

I instantly delete the SMS and facepalm-ed.

Breaking a promise just because your boyfriend ask you to do so?

What are you?
A bitch or a human?

I know your relationship with him is going on for quite a few months, and have been through break-ups and are now together again.

BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO DO EVERY SINGLE THING HE SAYS OR CARRY HIS BALLS!!!

What has become of you? Please do some thinking. This isn't Love, this is Stupidity.

---------------------------------------

On a side note.

If you are her boyfriend and is reading this, and is pissed off by what I said, you can always approach me de. She got my phone number anyway, so if you want to talk it out like a gentleman or you want to settle it like a barbarian, just come.

Lu Bu is here, waiting.

----------------------------------------

Sorry people, I know I kinda sound harsh there but yeah, I am really pissed off.

I simply hate to see people change because of relationships, in a bad way.

Guess it kinda triggers the bomb in me.

So, who wanna be my haircut model for this Wednesday?
Its for my exams, and hair length must be at least shoulder length, and not any shorter. Its 10am at ITE Simei.

If interested, please contact me ASAP. Thank you.

Closing my doors.

2009-05-09T12:53:00.002+08:00

Thoughts of you flooded my mind during training yesterday.

It shuts off my mental abilities to endure pain.

Though I'm happy that I did not gave up during the run. I was about to cry, no... I was crying in my heart. I wanted to shout out loud to relieve my stress, so I did it by shouting and encouraging my team-mates to not give in to the pain in their legs.

This remedy though, is short-lived.

My first time rowing the boat, I should be happy. But my mood wasn't there. Javier and Jia Hao who were in front of me and Terence, keep doing the wrong method of rowing. But I'm glad they did splash the water hard back to me. Every water splash manages to keep me away from thinking about her. I aggressively tackle the water, trying to push the boat forward, channeling all my sorrow down into the reservoir.

Yet again, this remedy is short-lived.

No one notices my dampened mood. Perhaps because I'm forcing out a smile and trying to hide it with a hungry-for-more-training attitude. But I'm glad no one notices. I want to keep the fire in my team up, and not down because I'm down.

Took a shower after training at the nearby toilet with my buddies. The cold water really froze me up, but it just won't freeze my brain. Every single moment, I am constantly thinking about you.

I went to the MacDonald near your house after training. I'm happy that Brandon accompanied me. As I was eating, I quietly mark every single memory that I have of you,and bury at that very place. I was so lost in thoughts, that I carelessly left my shoe bag there at the restuarant. By the time I realise it, I am already in my bus bound for home.

You rob me off my only way to escape thoughts - My Dragon Boat trainings.

You made me feel used - Talking to me when you need something and completely tries to ignore my attempts to talk to you.

But there is nothing else further I can do, since you have decided that he is better and left with him.

I can only wish you happiness, for I love you.

I really do.

From today,

I did not met you before.
I cannot remember who you are.

I have never come across you in my entire life.

You, are out of my life.

I know you won't read this, but if by Fate, that you chance upon this post, I want to tell you this.

I will no longer be there for you, comforting you when you are feeling down or whatsoever.

Im closing my doors to you.

An utter defeat.

2009-05-07T22:05:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow's my phase test for haircut.

But just this very moment, in this never-ending battle, I am finally taken down.

At the frontline, with spears aimming straight for my heart. I failed to defend myself, and one got through.

Blood gushing out, my conscious fading.

With one last strength, I grip my spear as tight as I can, and thrust it into the ground. As my remaining strength fades, let me remain standing.

I lost. Yet, whoever loses in this battlefield, wont die. They are locked in an eternal realm, experiencing the very same pain that took their lives away on the battlefield.

I have let you all down, my brothers in arms.

Failed to live on, our oath broken.

Forgive me, my brothers in arms, forgive me for leaving early.

Crash landed.

2009-05-06T23:21:00.002+08:00

The plane crash landed.

The controls aint functioning, and there has been a fuel leak. I brace myself for impact as I tries to minimise the damage taken from the crash.

*Vvvvrrrooooaaaaammmmhhhh*

It hits the ground hard, despite efforts made to reduce impact. It did not stop. It slides on the ground, smashing into trees and rocks. When everything came to sense, Im covered in blood. The cargo the plane is carrying scatter around the plane. Breathing is hard, vision is blurred.

Completely out of strength, I crawled out of the cockpit, trying to look for survivors. Yet only to realise, there isnt anyone in the plane from the very beginning.

My mission - fly the plane through till the next airport. I remembered clearly... There I was, standing tall and proud beside my beloved plane as many tonnes of cargo are being loaded. Shortly after, I took control of my plane and set off.

Many a times have I transport those cargo safely...

...

Not this time, though.

As I went on a search to retreive back the lost cargo, I found a few of them back. Anger, Sorrow, Grief, Hatred, Care, Honour, Chivalry, Brother-in-arms, Friends, Work...

But I lack of one box.

The box - Love.

I panic and begins to ravagely search the entire area. My remaining stamina left is very little. Fearing that I might be attacked, with the remaining material left, I build a somewhat strong fence. Finally, as the wounds and fatigue builds up in me, I close my eyes in this stormy day, in pain and sorrow as I force myself to sleep.

Note--> I bet half of the people I know dont know what im trying to express.

But yeah.

A certain talk with a certain someone as he/she expresses his/her happiness make me realise where I stand, and where my limit can expand, and the very purpose why im brought into this world.

I now know where I stand, and my limits can no longer be expanded. I cried, as the silent night tries its best to guide me to sleep. Yet, I couldnt sleep. The fatigue level is rising till critical zones. Yet, I couldnt sleep. Because I was brought into this world to suffer without a chance to experience a proper happiness, I smiled at someone else's happiness as my heart begins to tear itself apart.

Just give it up.

Stop putting that 'never tired, never angry, never sad, never serious' face mask, just toss it aside.

You just cant take it anymore.

-------------------

If the Heaven permits...

Please grant me one wish now...

Let me cry again, tonight.

The worst.

2009-05-05T00:36:00.002+08:00

Its the worst.

I simply hate mixed feelings. Right now, I dont feel like doing anything because the things I do when I have mixed feelings, ends up in serious shits.

I dont see where im going - my future I mean...

I have been messing up my practical really badly. I just scored full marks for the recent PCS test. I dont feel the sense of acheivements at all, why?

Dragon Boat. Now I want to question myself.

What is wrong with me today? Why did my shoulders and knees injuries had to come? Where did the mental strength that shut off most of my pain in my joints go? Whatever the heck is happening to me?

I dont know. Lack of sleep? Or was it my muscles did not have the time to rest properly?

-----------------------

Im going to lecture myself, so if you aint interested in what im lecturing myself about, kindly leave.

-----------------------

Ng Yong Xiang Gary. (Zero/Yukimura)

You are 18 this year. Look at the mirror and look at your reflection. When you smile, why isnt your reflection smiling? Because the happy mask of your's can no longer take anymore issues life is throwing you.

You really want people to appreciate you for who you are, correct? Apparently, there is none. And when there is none, why must you change yourself so you can just mix with the crowd? Where are your Honor, Love, and Chivalry? Have you been forgetting them?

You know very clearly that in this Era, the three code that you tried your best to obey is impossible to really live by it. Certain times, you have to break it. Does that makes you wish to drop them? Why is it so? Where is that determination I saw in you a few years back?

Time, sorrow, anger, fear, and others things have apparently cornered you. But it is when things go wrong, you musn't quit. This is your toughest period of life you are facing now, with all the emotional stresses and life issues, all the more you musn't quit.

Where is the calm and compose guy I know? He is now drown in sorrow, as tons of emotions are trying to burst open from his already shattered heart. Dont ever forget - When you are calm and compose, you can control your emotions better. Didnt you always say this to people who seek advices from you? Apply it on yourself this time.

Noblesse Oblige. A french word for - Obligations of the Nobles. Nobles are gentlemen, not all though. Various people have deemed you worthy of the title, Noble. But look at yourself now. Where have all those obligations goes? Where have the gentleman in you disappear to?

I have so many more to say, but I will refrain them for now.

So my dearest Gary.

As of this moment where you feels like exploding out everything, can you show me your resolve and keep it under control?

Always remember - Its when things goes wrong, you musn't quit.

Stay Calm,
Stay Compose,
Stay Strong.

------------------

Im a foolish moron, aint I?

Survival is PRIORITY!!!!!!

2009-04-19T22:47:00.003+08:00

Congratulations, Mr. Zero!

You have won yourself a Survival Package!

You are on your own now!

From today onwards, you shall not receive any money from your parents anymore!

Any amount your mum left on your table, you are to tear them apart!

Remember - You are ON YOUR OWN. Do not depend on them!

You have told your mum straight in the face that you do not acknowledge her as your mum anymore, therefore be a man and do what you said... Dont rely on her for your school fees, food, transportations, ETC...

Let me share with you some tips to help you get by this crisis.

1) Survive on water only! Singapore water are safe to drink, so if you ever find yourself thirsty, drink from the tap! There are water-coolers in the school, use them too!

2) Consume minimal food! You cant eat your standard $5.70 meal anymore, so start learning to get by hunger with just hot-dog buns! They only cost 90cents!

3) What happen if you are really weak from hunger? Idiot, its easy! All you need are WILLPOWER & DETERMINATION. These are mental strengths that can even overcome the toughest of things!

4)Meditation! This is definitely a must to do everyday to brainwash your mind of the hunger! Remember to do it, soldier!

5) Passion have to go! Im sorry to say you have to drop boxing and spearmanship for survival, but it's a must. You got no choice here. Your phone died and you gotta get the cash to buy a new phone right?

6) Control your emotions! Dont get angry too often, and dont get happy to much. They drain away your energy and cause your brain to reminds you that you are currently lacking of energy and strength! So to maintain a healthy mental strength, remain emotionless!

7) Sleep as soon as possible! At least the house is still open for you! Once you get home, do what you need to do, and then go to sleep quickly! Sleeping will help you recover much needed energy! So you gotta have plenty of sleep!

8) When working, try to talk to Nelson or the Lady Boss lesser. You need to reserve energy! Also, you cant get proper food to eat anymore! Survive on breads from the nearby Bakery!

9) Good luck. Though you always have bad luck, you need a little luck to help you get by certain times. So pray hard that Lady Luck will smile to you, blessing you with good luck!

------------------------------------------

Ok, I got that.

Also my friends... My phone LCD screen aint functioning anymore. I can only receive calls from you guys, so stop sending smses. There is no way I can reply them without seeing what the fuck the sms is trying to say and what the fuck I am typing.