...The Evening Sky...

<body>

| About Me |

Name--> NYX Gary

Gender--> Male

D.O.B--> 13.10.1991

Age--> 18

Status--> Attached

Country--> Singapore

School--> ITE CE (Simei)

Class--> UH0901A

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

| Who Visited |

| TagBoard |

Please tag before leaving. :D

| Plurk |

Plurk.com

| Friends |

Lynn
Hong Wei
Hui Teng
Wee Hao
Michelle Teo
Sasuke-Dragon
Sheila
Midsummer
Zhi Xuan
Miyuki
Kaen
Nelson
Kenji
Zander
Ashteyz
Edwin
Tammy
Lydia
Wen Xuan
Debbie
Marlene
Kai Hiwatari
Pearlyn
Xue Li
Ying Ying
Zhi Hao
Aquarius
Mervyn
Tenma
Donald
Daniel
Zheng Wei
Jasmine
Huiyu
Xinyao
Noel
Si Si
Mau Mau
Firefly
Luca
Pei Qi
Jimmy
Xanthe
Geraldine

| Past Memories |

January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009

Sunday, July 26, 2009

I feels as if Im losing myself.

Recently, my temper is getting from bad to worse... Like, I have difficulty controlling my anger.

My words seems to have hurt or offend people all the time.

I flare up at my parents and friends more often.

I have become more rough and vulgar than before.

When someone accidentally touches or bump into me, or when I suddenly hear a loud noise, my reaction to it is bigger than before.

I became very careless.

Somehow, I cant process knowledge as fast as before.

My patience dropped.

My sense of direction is beginning to fail me.

Haiz, basically, this is a system screw up. A major one.

Im have already lost my motivation to do anything.

Lost the motivation to exercise.
Lost the motivation to lend a helping hand.
Lost the motivation to play.

Lost the motivation to work.

And frankly speaking, I have lost my motivation to STUDY.

It really is a domino effect.

Im really losing a lot things. Soon...

I will lose myself...

Right?

12:44 AM

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Here for update.

Though there aint really anything I can update about.

Hmm, let's just say, school is fun. It removes my stress despite teachers stressing us out.

Been going to swim once per week, intend to swim twice per week. I still cant do freestyle. My freestyle is too rough and tense, I cant cut through the water without resistance. My frogstyle also another goner. But this is the only thing I know I can do. I just need to increase the speed alittle, im too slow.

Last wednesday went to the same old place to get my hair coloured and cut for a hair/hair product seminar, I am the model for the 70:30 style cut. Now my hair feels much lighter, but the length just got cut a little.

Learn much. Got to try bleaching another model's hair. Boss get me to do it because he is rushing for time to get to another salon lol. In the end, Ling Ling and Jessy say I too slow.

But its ok!

Today, the hair colour lesson, though it's just practice, I manage to speed through the entire head without letting the timer goes off! Lesson ends abit quick though, and there isnt really much to do. So meet up with Nelson at cafe 1 then goes home together.

Help Nelson collected his money from EVA and then I went home.

To my dismay, no one is at home. Mum left for work. Grandpa goes for his monthly eye check-up/operation. Younger brother is still in school and have remedial till 6. Grandma, who have the spare key, was with grandpa.

This is a big shock.

Sad outside, accompanied by my neighbour. Uncle was DIY-ing his mini garden on the safety issues regarding balance of the platform lol. Talk to him for like an hour, then went to the void deck to enjoy some wind.

By the time I enjoyed enough, its 5pm. No one's home.
This is shit. So that just means I cannot go for jogging.
So I went to the meeting location to wait for others. They arrived rather late lol. My PSP dies on me, battery went flat!

Haiz.

Unlucky, perhaps? Wait, since when I'm lucky?

Haiz.

Maybe perhaps I am just thinking too much bah. This stupid brain of mind refuses to stop thinking about unnecessary things. Just hearing Michelle and Jess mention that person, my entire mind went haywire and only thinks of that person. How I wish they did not say it, my mood just hit rock bottom and my mind starts to break my mental limit again.

But I told myself.

I cant snap. I cant snap.

The moment I snap, I know I will be dead.

I keep it under control.

Waited for my bus to arrive... PSP no battery only means no music. Just when I was about to go crazy... I board the bus. There was this person who was alighting next stop. Seems familiar because we literally look at each other and from our expression, it was that kind of erm... D: <--- this kind, but the mouth didnt open that big. Guess both of us were kind of taken back by each other.

But yeah, I did not approach her, nor did she approach me. I dont want to mistake another person as a friend when I dont know him/her! But yeah, I guess that kinda manage to kick my mind off the track for awhile until I reach home.

Sigh, still got things left undone, but my mind just wont concentrate. Almost cut my hand with the darn knife.

I might really need to visit IMH, soon.

So please, quickly get out of my mind and my life, ok?

1:43 AM

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Sometimes, I wondered if my Memory is a gift or a curse?

A few days back, I was cleaning up my room, determined to make my room cleaner and less messier.

When I was cleaning, I came across many things that return precious memories of the times I had since I was borned.

My Nursery record book... My Kindergarten record book... My NPCC certs and Y-ACE certs... My lost collections of cards... My exactly 150 collection of 1st season pokemon... And the best of all things I found?

A very simple ring that I thought I have lost it.

At first, I dont remember having that ring. Yet, I kinda feel there is this slight vibration in my head. Slowly, it develops into a headache.

When I hold onto the ring, and wears it on my left hand, I cant feel a thing. When I change it to my right, the headache got worse, and flashbacks of memories

over the past few years that have been blank, returned but blurred.

Maybe, as if possessed, I wore that ring wherever I go. I just dont know why.

Then, yesterday... Alot of things happened.

I felt many emotions, I dont really know how to describe this part, but yeah, I will try my best.

I did panicked.

I did worried.

I felt really, really happy.

I grab onto hope.
I felt much disappointment.

I feel responsibility.

I felt stupid.

I feel really weak.

I did flare up.
I feel guilty.

I felt lost.

I feel like giving up.

I felt really tired.

I felt really useless.

I feel pain.
I feel so lifeless.

I felt desperate.

And I... Finally broke down.

Maybe, a certain desperation and a certain anger yesterday turn those blurred memories into a more clearer picture. Though slowly, I roughly get what is going on.

Today, I remembered everything, or at least, most of it.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I remember her words. I remember them.

"Give the ring to the one you love, idiot."

Yes, its the ring that triggers off this chain reaction. Yesterday, with much thoughts going on in my mind, I took off the ring from my hand. After settling my mind, I knew that what I wish for will never come true.

Without hesitation, I threw the ring away. The sound of the ring touching the concrete pavement was muffled by the traffic, as if they are trying to cover up the cries of the memories that ring shown me.

I know that no matter what I do, my efforts to make you happy, will go in vain. You will never see those efforts. Maybe to you, I am nothing more than a counsellor that seems to have solution to all sorts of problems.

I prayed for your happiness every night, and on every free time I have. Maybe because I couldn't help but to worry that you might do something foolish. Or maybe because, I simply care for you too much, to the extend, I doubt my own abilities. I have turn to God for his help.

Some of my friends say you are not worth it. Why would I, a person who could have chosen another girl who are much more better, have to bring suffering upon myself just to make you happy?

No matter what they say, no matter what it might be, to me... You're the very reason why I am living. I live just to be able to see you in happiness and to prevent sorrow from getting you. You're the one and only most important person to me.

When I came close to my breaking point, I had no choice but to quickly called up someone I can talk to. I called Maureen. Though I really didnt talk much, I felt slightly better as I was distracted from those very negative thoughts by her random mumbling of her studies. Eventually when I reach home and called Maureen again, my armour broke down and I cried.

Sister, if you are reading this, do know that your brother here is feeling grateful to have you as a sister.

I know my love for you wont dies off no matter how much I try to forget. Maybe I will forget when you reject me, that is what I thought of doing today - to get you to reject me, or through a miracle and I doubt it will happen, accept me.

My courage to do this just deminishes. Every step that I take, it drains away my courage. Maybe God himself, is refraining me from doing this. I don't know.

But I know, with my life...

Even if the morrow is barren of promises...

I will protect you and watch over you...

As your Silent Guardian...

Labels: Emotions, Love, Silent Guardian

10:10 PM

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Today...

ITS FUN!!!! >D

Woke up as early as 6am in the morning just to get a quick shower.

What for wake up so early?

Hehehe, I took part in a short action film. :D

Its by FPS Singapore.

No, its not First Person Shooter, but Frame Per Second. xD

Went there and my role was a secret agent.
All secret agent receives a lanyard that states "Counter Terrorism Unit - United States of America - Singapore Division."

Or something like that. :D

I wont go into details how things went, but its worth the time there! Very fun and interesting! xD

Then, go to work early and basically, like a zombie when I was at work.
Too tired, didnt sleep at all yesterday because my mind is filled with thoughts of ______! Jess caused this. -_-"

And then Jess was at my work place too, hanging around with nelson like they are an item~ :3

Shortly after that, Pei Qi came and when we finish work, we left for Starbucks and slack, then quickly fly home. :D

So here I am! :D

11:36 PM